An Inappropriate Claus by Roxanne Thornton


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An Inappropriate Claus by Roxanne Thornton

A disgruntled citizen (Groucho) is upset about the mess on his lawn from the teens Rorey and Tory toilet papering his tree on Halloween night. When he talks to the Mayor’s clerk Jasper Truheart on November 1st who is setting up his Christmas display, Groucho decides he needs to cancel Christmas. But Truheart tells him that the Mayor would never cancel Christmas because of one complaint, so Groucho hatches a plan to whisper in the ear of all the naïve who might be able to help him achieve this goal.

Mrs. McGabbler, PTA chair and also the Mayor’s wife, lets him join her Christmas committee to take the children to the North Pole. Groucho convinces the principal that Rorey and Tory plus the school secretary should go also as parent volunteers. Of course the boys cause trouble and Groucho plants ideas of unfair and biased working conditions into the heads of elves, farm animals etc. He also twigs Hermie to the notion that there is too much sugar in candy canes . He also phones the bylaw officer , SPCA and EPA officer ( all whom are the same person) and complains about animal concerns, second hand smoke etc.

In the end, everyone wants the Mayor to cancel Christmas because of their concerns. The Ladies Auxillary are concerned about the endless work and chauvinistic treatment of Ms. Claus; The elves are concerned about lack of safety equipment and working conditions; Chief Elf is concerned about bias employment where reindeer rather than pigs, chickens, cows are allowed to pull Santa’s sleigh;
The Teens are concerned with Santa spying on them and entrapment; The town official is concerned with lack of license for reindeer, second hand smoke, noisy toys and poop and scoop laws; and the PTA/ Child Psychologist is concerned about gender specific toys Santa has been bringing. The Mayor of course has no choice but to cancel Christmas. His clerk speaks up and convinces the Mayor to let the public have a say. Truheart speaks to the audience and with Christmas Fairy’s help the children are able to save Christmas.

Keywords: panto, children's show, Christmas, Santa

Produced at the Guelph Little Theatre, December 2021

Genre: comedy pantomime
Acts: 2
Run time: 90 minutes
Suitable for students 14+

Cast size: 31 actors
Casting note:  This play may be cast all adult, all youth or a mix of both. The majority of the roles may be played by any gender or trans. non-binary/gender non-conforming. There are areas where males may play female roles i.e. the Christmas Fairy (panto style) . It involves audience participation.
There is a musical version available for Children's choirs. Contact Playwright for copy of the script.